As many of you have heard my husband and I welcomed our baby boy just a few weeks ago. We are very thankful for everyone who reached out and thought of us. As I am in the process of recouping and adjusting, the Lord has pressed upon my heart to share this post with you. Regardless the title, this post is not just for women but men also. There is something that everyone can take away.
Some people reading this may not be married or have anyone in their corner for whatever reason, and I can only imagine having to go through such a major change alone. My prayers are extended to you. If you find yourself alone naturally, know that God loves and cares for you and will not forsake those that are His. I will speak from my personal perspective of being a wife but, what will be discussed is something that can affect anyone from any background.
This post may not be one that you have heard before, but I am sure it will help. What I will share with you are some things that I have learned and experienced in my childbearing processes. This is not something I knew entirely with my first, second, or third child. It was a gradual thing. And even in my knowing, I wasn’t exempt from experiencing it. Although this is the first time that I have written on it, the mothers that I have talked to have agreed that this is a help to many.
This is my fifth child.
My husband and I are truly blessed to have such a beautiful family. But in that beauty, there were some births that were hard. I didn’t think childbirth encompassed so much but it was something the Lord allowed me to experience and learn from. That experience is what the Lord has led me to share. Many are struggling concerning childbirth, and some are too ashamed to bring up something adverse in what should be a joyous occasion. But understand, the baby is a blessing, and what you may be going through is not a reflection of your blessing from God.
Many of you are just getting to know me. I know that I am different and the things the Lord has given me to write are different and that is okay with me. I deal with natural matters from a spiritual perspective, not because I am oblivious to the natural, but it’s the way the Lord has me to go. Understand, the spirit realm is more real than the natural. Everyone knows this life is temporary, but our spirit and soul are eternal. When we fail to address natural issues from a spiritual perspective, we block ourselves from having the full understanding of that issue.
Honestly, I feel that many have neglected the spiritual side of life and thus the enemy, who is spirit, has taken every opportunity to win battle after battle against the people of God. He will never win the war because Jesus has already claimed that victory, but as for the battles in between we are losing because we are not following the ways and rights given to us by God, who is Spirit.
The bible tells us that we wrestle not against flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12) which means that the fights are more spiritual than they are natural. Now, I don’t want you to think that I am some person that sits in the clouds all day. As the Lord reveals more, you will see I am more down to earth than you know. I love to laugh and enjoy life, but from an early age God allowed me to understand that spiritual matters were just as natural as a heartbeat.
Regarding preparing for a new child, I have done it all. If you are like me, you have taken the child birthing classes, read book after book, have an app on your phone to outline every single day of the pregnancy journey, kept food journals, researched every baby product and brand, and yet still feel as if you have so much to do on your list. You have had a baby shower, spent countless dollars on things your child may or may not use, overstocked your house, prepared a nursery fit for a prince or princess, and yet you still don’t feel ready. You have received advice from family and friends. You spend time imagining the birthing process and have packed your bag. What more can you do? Here are some things that I did.
One thing that I have done above all others is prepare for my child spiritually. When someone receives the news that they are pregnant, emotions for both mother and father can be in several places. Some are sad, glad, mad, depressed, scared, disappointed, excited, and/or overjoyed. The reaction is specific to the person and their situation. But what God has done is given you a gift and responsibility over a soul. For me, I felt unprepared to care for another individual. I never desired to have children. This was the plan of God. Before I got married, I remember discussing with my husband (fiance at the time) how the doctor told me that I probably would not be able to have children due to medical complications. But within our first year of marriage, we were pregnant.
If the Lord would allow this miracle to happen surely there was a reason and I didn’t want to disappoint the Lord and my unborn child. I began to read in the Word of God about parenting. In the scriptures I found that God desires godly seeds from marriages (Malachi 2:15). I desired for the Lord to be pleased and it was from there that the Lord began to download things in my spirit.
I spent a lot of time praying for my unborn child. I prayed for their soul, spirit, health, provision, just to name some general prayers. Covering your child in prayer is so important. I prayed against the things the enemy would desire to do. You may think that it’s too much, but Jesus’ parents moved strategically before He was born and when He was a child. They did this because Herod was plotting to kill Him as a baby. And if Jesus is too much, then consider Moses whose Mother did the same. They were not ignorant to the devices of their enemy and we should not be either. This is not only the job of the mother but the father as well. Mary and Joseph took an equal part in protecting Jesus.
Of course, I did the other things as well like buying, planning, and decorating. However, this is not that type of entry. If you need any advice on shopping and such, feel free to inbox or email me.
I asked the Lord to make me a good parent. I had no idea how to parent and I needed the Lord to teach me. I knew my life was changing, I just didn’t know how much. I wasn’t prepared to love someone so much. I didn’t know what challenges would be presented, I just knew there would be some. I made this assumption with my first child, and I don’t know if others have done the same, but I thought that once the baby was born that things would return as they were. I was highly mistaken.
In addition to your child, make sure that you are praying for yourselves. Following the birth, called postpartum, some women may go through different things. While the child physically has been separated from the mother’s body, it takes time for the body to be healed and restored. A lot of people have heard of postpartum depression but there are other things besides depression that a new mother may experience. She is in a vulnerable and weak spot. The enemy, being who he is, takes opportunities of vulnerability to further afflict people. God is stronger and more powerful than any affliction, no matter the name. Jesus is the name that all must bow to and therefore when I am faced with anything I take it to my God.
I spend a lot of time in the presence of God. I try to not allow a day to go by without taking some time where it’s just me and God. This is a place of everything for me. During my postpartum time, I made it my business to increase that time. There was a lot that I needed from God.
If your postpartum has been rough, remember how you go through it matters most. Do not submit to the challenges you are experiencing. That is not the will of God. Facing this new person and place is a lot. You may expect to go back to your normal, but the truth is there has been a permanent change. Normal has changed for you, even for a mother of multiple children. Now there is another person in this world counting on you for everything. That is a lot, and only God can truly understand the internal issues of any parent. Wives may be faced with the changes in their body and that may produce insecurities. It is imperative for the husband to encourage and love on his wife during this time. Even in that love she can still feel unattractive because it’s an internal struggle. Husbands don’t take her struggle personal. Be strong for her, as she is the weaker vessel. Hold your family up in prayer, as you are the head of that home.
Husbands and wives need to come together in prayer for their home. Following the birth of child there are a lot of changes to get adjusted to. These include emotional, financial, physical, and mental changes. The changes will affect both mom and dad, but mom has a different load. Hormones are raging. One minute she may be happy and next sad. Personally, there were times that I felt like the changes were overwhelming. I knew that this was not the plan of my God and Father. So, I decided to fight it.
Do not be ashamed to talk about your issues. Take your concerns to God and to godly counsel. Talk to your pastor or leader. I am a firm believer that there is no greater counsel than counsel from leaders who are submitted to God and full of His Spirit. Sometimes being silent is not the best route. It could lead to further damage. Talking to someone does not mean that you are faithless, it just means you have added a work to your measure of faith.
In conclusion, there is no cookie cut postpartum experience. In having 5 children, each experience was different. Were all filled with struggles, no. But they all had some type of change that I and my husband needed an adjusting to.
If I don’t specifically mention your type of change, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Having a tough postpartum experience is a reality and possibility. What I can encourage you to do is to take it all to God. Tell Him how you feel. During my postpartum, I ask God to regulate my hormones and emotions. I ask for healing in my body. I ask Him, who is all knowing, to protect and fight against the attacks that I may be faced with. I pray for the provisions that my family needs. This is the faith. And this is life.
As I have mentioned before, knowing these things did not exempt me from experiencing them. These are spiritual preparation and preventive teachings. Suiting up for battle doesn’t mean you will always fight, nonetheless you are ready. Believe God for a great experience, but if it is in His plans to allow some things to pass, go through it in a right spirit. God is faithful and will not allow His people to be overcome. God will sometimes allow certain things to happen according to His will and plan for our life. He never promised everything would be easy. But, He did promise that He would never leave His people. If you find your childbearing experience to be tough, trust God as He takes you through it. He knows more than we will ever know. Any suffering that we go through in this life is only for a moment (Romans 8:18). Press in God and you will see His mighty arm deliver you and give you beauty for your ashes. Jesus is greater than anything.
I pray this helps someone.
I love you all.